Misconceptions About Korean Men (Part 3)

Posted by & filed under Cultural Differences, Korean Men Misconceptions, Relationship Issues, Yeoja Chingu.

Wow, I didn’t even realize it’s been months already since my last update on this series! The first and second parts have been really well-received and I hope this next installment would be as helpful and informative for everyone. Again, this “Misconceptions” series is a joint project with the superstar (naks!) Cherish Maningat-Bae, who was just here for a vacation last week. I’m telling you, Cherish is so showbiz now! She was on Showtime, on Flippish, was interviewed by Yahoo and Philippine Star and even guested on DZRH! And if you still haven’t seen the epic video that we did together, YOU BETTER CHECK IT OUT FIRST!

Anyway, I digress… This next part is kind of close to our hearts and I know many will be interested in this, too. After all, I can’t even count the number of girls who tell me that they wanna date Koreans!

DISCLAIMER:

We do not in anyway mean to offend anyone, especially Korean men (the love of our lives are after all, one of them). These are all but based on our experiences, observations and other people’s testimonies. Our only objective is to make readers realize that guys from Korean dramas and movies are fictional characters. Even the Kpop idols are not “real”. May this blog series enlighten readers, especially those younger girls who are easily swept off their feet.

Misconception About Korean Men #3: THEY ARE ROMANTIC

“Ugh, I really hate Korean dramas and movies! They’re super liars!”, exclaimed Jimmy Kim in his cute Konglish accent, when I asked him before to give me a piggy back ride in case I got drunk. We were only dating then, drinking with friends, as he shared with everyone his disappointment at how Korean men are being portrayed by their local media. Apparently, he’s not alone. Many Korean guys complain that the TV shows and films raise the expectations so high when they all know none of that shit is true.

Alex of Clazziquai is not very liked by Korean men because of his stint on We Got Married. He was unrealistically romantic, according to them.

Before dating Jimmy, I was one of the many girls who firmly believed that Korean men are just oh so Bae Yong Joon-ish. Imagine how hard I got bitch-slapped by reality when I learned more about them as time went by and it dawned on me that Pinoys are even waaaay more romantic than them! (I won’t use my boyfriend here as an example since he’s not a typical Korean guy in this sense…)

First, Korea is a Confucian society and according to the Confucian structure of society, women at every level were to occupy a position lower than men. They were raised as princes, whereas in my country, women and mothers have always been revered. Heck, before the Spanish came here, our priestesses were women – the babaylans!

I was with a Korean 아저씨 ahjussi (middle-aged man) one time and man, he was totally walking two steps ahead of me! I tried to fasten my pace, but it dawned on me that perhaps, it’s a Korean thing. Well, Cherish confirmed my suspicion. She mentioned, too that they also don’t normally carry their girlfriends’ bags or things or open doors for them. I’m not saying that all Korean men are like that or that it’s a bad thing. It’s like saying that Filipinos are dumb for sleeping from 1pm-3pm. We were raised that way. Shut your face.

Second, they are definitely not vocal about their feelings. Do you expect them to say I love you? GOOD LUCK! Try again next time, girl! Koreans in general are not very expressive about their emotions. The ones who are have probably been exposed to the Western culture already (like Alex). They don’t even kiss or hug their family and friends. If you watch dramas, you’d notice that they only use 사랑해요 saranghaeyo (I love you) in super important and life-altering scenes – when somebody is about to die, when they part ways, when the other person wakes from a coma and forgets everything prior to the accident and his fiancee desperately tries to remind him of their past.

Saying I love you, Korean-style…

They’d normally say 좋아해요 joahaeyo (I like you), which apparently works well for Cherish. For Koreans, saying I love you is serious business so whenever her husband says it to her, it’s kilig to the nth level. However, it does not mean they won’t utter those three magic words just to get you into their beds.

Third is their concept of ‘proposal’ or the lack thereof. This totally made me go “wuuuut?”. Jimmy Kim and I have been nonchalantly talking about our future already- where we’ll raise our kids, where we’ll buy a house and all that other adult stuff. But he has not proposed to me yet. “Oh, he has already decided”, said Cherish when I told her about this. “My husband told me we’ll get married while I was cutting my steak over dinner.”

Basically, a “proposal” for a Korean man is more of an ‘event’ than asking his lady’s hand for marriage. He decides he wants to marry you, you guys talk about it, he proposes to you a month or so before the wedding.

And lastly, in relation to that, they will not introduce you to their parents unless you’re about to get married already (or he truly believes you’re THE ONE). I have tackled this in detail here but just to sum it all up, meeting the parents for the first time is yet another event, often done outside over dinner, where you can all discuss the wedding plans. YES. WEDDING PLANS. ON THE FIRST MEETING. They would only introduce you when they think you would pass their parents’ standards and get their approval or if they really love you.

Again, I’m not saying that every single Korean man is like this. Jimmy Kim isn’t for sure (he has more 애교 aegyo than I do) but this is a pretty clear picture of what the reality is. If you want a romantic guy, maybe you should go for an Italian man? ^^;;

More misconceptions to break soon! Thanks and feel free to share your comments and insights.

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Kring (192 Posts)

Host✮Entrepreneur✮Superstar✮Producer✮Writer✮Actress✮Dreamer✮Leader✮Lover✮Future Billionaire. I'm like Robbie Williams... LET ME ENTERTAIN YOU! And oh, hope you guys have fun here on mykoreanboyfriend.com! ^^ Let's be friends~

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39 Responses to “Misconceptions About Korean Men (Part 3)”

  1. Jazzelle Bantilan

    what you said about the PROPOSAL and meeting the parents is soooo true…. My boyfriend gave me the ring and told me he wants marry me at SB. *medyo kilig factor cause he was so cute while doing it but seriously coffee shop?*

    Reply
  2. Reira Ozaki

    Hahahaha… I figured everything in the drama and about Kpop idols are a bit or mybe a whole different thing from real life! Sigh… Can I just keep the image I have of Korean man rather than the real one's… hehehe… =P

    Reply
  3. imaginary superstar

    thanks! ive always had this feeling that they’re not as romantic as we expect them too. watching dramas you will see a glimpse of the reality… i mean girl is drunk and they piggy back her. dating or not, that’s not romantic at all in my book. LOL. anyways… but i guess it’s still the feelings for each other is what’s more important regardless if he carries your heavy bags for you or not. 

    Reply
  4. Larieza Camille Mae Valdez

    It's somewhat true about them not being vocal about their feelings. I realized it was when a friend said that her Korean guy is hard to read when they are together and that they fight easily over it, because it stresses her. But then again, I have a Korean friend that is flirt(?), for me if he stay like that he can sweet talk you and be romantic anytime, but I guess it's all lies(?). And yes, almost over 50% think that the female species is inferior to the male species.

    Reply
  5. Cuso-cufa Lee

    Luckily iam so blessed to have my husband u could ever imagine.he made my illusions real..he is super sweet, romantic and super kind that I'm really proud of(+ good lookin) ^^…base on my experince koreans are more sweet than filipino boys….;) maybe bcoz they make extra effort unlike of some filipino boys that I met., they will just say what they want thru txting and no effort at all.

    Reply
    • Faye Faith

      I agree with this too :) based on my experience Filipino boys are too laid back and act like they don't care at all, dating wise they annoy me as friends I like them!

      Reply
  6. Ria

    The Koreans not being vocal about their feelings was stucked in my mind.lol  How Jung Sungha will you say you like me? Lol

    Reply
  7. khanki

    first time ko na in-love sa korean pa.hahaha!!  they say i’m in love..i dont know,am i in love?!! is this love is this love that i’m feeling..i dont know!!i have no plans to get into a relationship,whether filipino or korean men..hopefully and i pray we’ll see each other soon..he’s just kind,sweet.i like his attitude more than a filipino man..i dont know,that’s what i’ve noticed,and i’ve felt.ohmyGod is this love.

    Reply
  8. Anni Quach

    I know quite a lot korean guys, including my own boyfriend.. and I have to say he is the not the type at all and other korean guys I know are really talkative about their feelings,, they kinda tell u very very soon after getting to know u, that they like u and if u want to be their girlfriends.. my boyfriends says sweet stuff all the time and he doesn't have a problem to show his feelings at all.
    and another thing is, which suprised me a lot was, that he wants to marry me..but he said it like after 3 month? I was really suprised and I heard from my cousin(who's bf is my bfs friend, also korean) that he told her that quite fast as well! even though they know its going to be long distance relationship anyway.. so I thought that korean are more the type to say a lot of sweet stuff to get u.. but well maybe they are exceptions..guess need to date more koreans haha XD.

    Reply
  9. Niña Rita Simon

    There are some naman who are naturally romantic. It depends on he guy talaga. Pero Pinoys are definitely raised to be more Spanish romantic (as I would call it). Not a very big fan of ligaw and grand gestures. (at least not anymore outside the realm of fanfics and romance pocketbooks) but Korean guys (those who have more romantic bones in their body) who love their women and show it in actions are far in between. For them mostly, are more like super traditional Pinoys who are more into providing for their family as a sign of love. ^.^ But there are one or two in a group of ten who are like your Jimmy.

    Reply
  10. Mexma89

    THANKS for breaking it down 4 all of us in the kdrama fantasy world…I will remain there for now *sigh*….only in our dreams….Gotta appreciate a Korean man from only afar….

    Reply
  11. Jacqueline Caro

    Wow I think a korean is perfect for me. I hate all those lovey dovey mushy feelings. And I also plan on not introducing my guy to my parents unless he is definitely the one. Guess our cultures aren’t all that different.

    Reply
  12. gina

    your blog is awesome. so true about them not talking what is on their minds. living in a different country def makes a big difference for them sometimes.

    Reply
  13. Renelyn Magtoto

    hebigats~~ grabe.. wagas na EYE-OPENER ang mga blog ni ate Kring.. IKAW NA!! though hindi ako mahilig magbasa sa mga blogs, na intriga ako sa Misconceptions About Korean Men.. 
    wagas! Wagas ang mga info!! pero mabuti na un para magising sa katotohanan ang fellow Pinays sa mga kahibangan sa mga Koreans.. Pero, sana.. SANA lang.. makahanap rin ako ng The One na Korean. Fighting!! XD

    Reply
  14. Jäger Ysabelle

    Mine was different… he was consistently and unbelievably romantic even when we were miles apart. It got to the point where I met his family over the holidays but we still broke up in the end cause I couldn't give up my job and stay in Korea haha sad! We remained friends though, whenever it's Christmas, he'd still send presents for my parents. It was a beautiful relationship and I agree, I was on cloud 9 when he told me that he loves me on my birthday months after we started dating and he told me at first, it was hard for him to say those three words. The most romantic thing he did for me was, we were in Boracay with his family, it was around midnight, he took me out, sat by the beach and played his favorite musical piece with his Ocarina (it was my first time to see one, it's like a round flute by the way) by X-Japan and he gave me a wonderful present for our anniversary. Haha memories.

    Reply
  15. Hyeri Robertson

    I so liked your photo of Jeon. I'd say the most of it is true. But maybe younger generation is bit different I suppose? Korean men have such an ego. Sometimes it turn out to be nice, like "I gotta look after my girl, or I gotta do this event for her etc" (remember, I said "sometimes")

    Reply
  16. Melyn Marissa

    I know lotta Korean guys who used to study in US. They themselves say that they have different mindset than "pure" Korean (The one who stays there the whole time). and it's true.

    Idk if mine is exception or maybe the majority, but..my ex was super romantic I guess. ;)
    Third thing is hell true. Parents aren't involved unless it's reaching marriage stage.

    Reply
  17. Hnatko Jeska

    I have also found a lot I agree and disagree with. But like you said every experience is different, I have found Korean men to be either terribly sappy romantics in every way…or blundering fools when courting a lady. It seems to be all or nothing, and I have had so many men want to introduce me to their families/met a lot of parents, and there wasn't really marriage talk….I have had the occasional guy tell me how things "are": "when we do this" etc. But I always shut them down immeditaly…I like teaching rather then just accepting the way things are…largely I feel, these men have A LOT to learn…so I would encourage women who want to date Korean men to just be themselves…it certainly works for me!

    Reply
  18. Jeong Tae Hwan

    actually i'm one of korean guy, and i managed to ran into this article.
    ohh it's pretty cool and interesting!
    i think that most of `em are correct, and also,
    I'd like to confess(lol) that i don't think myself as an romantic guy of your imagination.ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹
    but if i get together with somebody that i really love, uh, i don't know how i may change
    ,because i'd done my best for my ex to be such of lovely guy at that time.

    kkkk

    Reply
  19. Elina Mazajeva

    My bf is korean as well… and even on the 1st date, he took me everywhere I wanted and even carried my bag (it even wasnt too heavy)… on the second date, while we were walking in the Times Square, he dropped on one knee took my hand and asked me to be his gf.. I thought that he is kidding! once he told me, that he never wasa acting like this before, because other girls wasnt like I am, he is telling that he loves me, every single minute, we r just 5 month together ( we met in the USA, I am from europe Latvia and he is from korea, so we were in real together just 2 months) but for him it was enough, he is talking about our family life every day. So maybe korean guys are different when they r with other country girls?

    Reply
  20. Elle

    Hi! I’m just curious. Tanggap ba ang gays sa Korean culture? This is really just a random question. I just noticed na sa lahat ng koreanovelas and movies na napanood ko, wala masyadong gay na characters. Unlike sa mga Pinoy telenovelas na required ata na may kaibigang gay ang bida o ung kontrabida. :)

    Reply
  21. Han Kim

    Hmm…….I think the Filipinas who seriously want a Korean boyfriend should consider going to Los Angeles or New York City where there are a lot of Korean Americans. The still look Korean. In America, getting cosmetic surgery is considered not masculine so if you see a good looking Korean guy in the US, chances are, they are probably naturally good looking. Their families had enough money to move to the states so chances are, they are probably wealthier than the average person in Korea. They’re also less likely to hold strict Confucian values if they grew up in the states and are more westernized.

    Reply
  22. Apple4kimchi

    well..lol…i just cant stop laughing when i was reading your blog…it is true..wow…i met this korean guy on last dec and yeah its been 4 months now….and yeahh they dont says those three words like EVERYDAY,,,lol…but still he got his own way to show his love…lol…damn damn damn im stuck with this korean dude hahahah for real..lol cute,nice and funny…romantic??NO! lol..

    Reply
  23. Euna Berondo

    Wow! You're amazing! Keep it up! You're so cute! ^_^

    Reply
  24. Swedish lady

    Wow… that’s not like the guys I’ve met in korea. All the guys I’ve met and hung out with have always asked me if they can carry my bag, or hold their umbrella over me instead of themselves, always walked a little bit behind me so they can hold me under control if there is a car coming at us and so on. They are really much nicer than the Sqwedish guys anyway. but I know, there are a lot of scumbags in Korea, I’ve just been lucky to meet great people!

    Reply
  25. Sun Huh

    I’ve read your blog in it’s entirety and it seems like the personal experiences of few; not many. Also, what you’re describing is more of the “ahjussi” era, not modern day era. I’m a Korean woman and I’ve known and dated both Korean and Filipino men. Korean men tend to be less vocal but more deep in thinking… Hence, they don’t use the word “love” lightly which I don’t think they should. Filipino men will use the word “love” much more frequently then Korean men. If that’s your idea of romance… that’s not the idea of romance for many women. Also, most of the Korean men that I’ve come across have been very nurturing and caring. Example: going out of their way to but the perfect soup or medicine for a cold/flu, holding bags, not being overly forward (sexually), always offers to pay, never eats the last bite and offers it to the other person first, and being respectful to the elders in the family. Filipino men on the other hand can be super sweet but they will smoke in front of the parents (a BIG NO NO in Korean culture), say Mahal na Mahal Kita to every girl they date or sleep with, and they don’t usually offer to pay every time or offer the last bite. Again, it’s a difference in culture and experiences. You stated above that you find Filipino men to be more romantic… I find Filipino men to be better talkers but Korean men to be much deeper in thought and feelings. However, to each is own.

    Reply
    • Carrie Jones

      I believe there are good and bad guys everywhere, Korea is not an exception. I don’t have a Korean bf but have many friends who are Koreans. Of course the things in dramas are just to good to be true, but the Korean guys I know are sweet and caring. They would hold my bag, offer to pay, even do the washing up when they eat at my place. They would listen to me when I talk. And they love their family and respect their parents. One more thing, some of them are heavy smokers but they never do it when there are others around, esp women and children. I want to have a Korean bf myself but I’m married so, LOL. Anyway, I have some Korean brothers.

      Reply
  26. Ariel

    Actually, from all the dramas I’ve watch, I haven’t come to expect them to be romantic or expressive of their feelings. Call me crazy, but how inexpressive they are seems to make when they are expressive all the more romantic because by then you feel like you’ve earned those feeling and they seem all the more sincere and heart felt. In America, we are far too expressive and ‘I love you’ will sometimes barley add up to liking.

    Reply
  27. soon to be mrs.kim

    hi… i was kind of browsing some pages about ‘korean thing” when i got to see this blog, i cant help not to stop from laughing as i read those written statements about korean romantic guys.. from the very start i my self was really addicted in korean dramas,, hence, i never wish…or never comes to my mind meeting a korean guy one day.it just so happened that a friend introduces one to me.. :) well ill cut the crap.. i dunno if im just too way much from expecting,what can i do im just a girl.. a fipilina perhaps,, always used to be pampered at times, wishing for a little cute surprises, or even a simple romantic gestures..but hey.. i have come to realize that there were really misconceptions from it.. even if our relationship is just new i got to discover inch by inch how does he really were,, when we started dating… i always wait if he will open the car wing for me and guide me out but, to my dismay he never does,,,i dont want to look like i am making little things to be an issue,,but we deserve to be accompanied at all times especially when it comes on hopping in and out of the car ,dont we? 2nd thing is,,at our first weeks its really hard for him to say i love you…. but receiving “takecare” response instead… i know he loves me theres no doubt about that,but ofcourse its still nice to hear those words coming from him,,not until these days when he finally says i love you baby,that one sounds so sweet.as if i just heard it for the first time of my life ever, hahaha.. and lastly… we are talking about marriage for some time now,planning our future life,,where are we gonna settle for good after the wedding,and so on and so forth,, but..apparently the proposal is missing in action… he prefer to do it on an engagement party..when i was actually expecting an ‘oh so unique and memorable proposal..’ see that? well..thats how my korean love story goes..

    Reply
  28. soon to be mrs.kim

    but otherwise,, i adore him most for drawing more respect to me and to my family.. ive never got respected before rather than the way he treated me, my baby is so nice in many ways. i wish everything will run smoothly. especially right now we are miles apart he’s back in korea for vacay. and im back here at jeddah for another contract..i know love trust and faith bind us. i believe so. <3 <3 <3

    Reply
  29. Oegukeen

    I am very surprised with what you say. I have been dating Korean guy more than 2 years and he’s very romantic, he tells me he loves me all the time. And one time when I got tired he offered to carry me even though I am taller than him and weigh more ^^

    Also, he told his parents about me a week after we started dating, even though I am a foreigner.

    Reply
  30. ellie

    I had one, he was ok!! There alot more nicer in the beginning because of old style courtship rituals..Like most men, they expect sons, and want you to to worship thier mother….

    Overall, it’s not a shifty life situation,however of you do have kids over there,know that most can’t attend Korean schools, so tryto find one that is already careered..

    Reply
  31. karin

    My korean boyfriend is so handsome and sweet. He talks about his feelings and always says “I love you” but perhaps because he is sort of not from bigger cities

    Reply

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